Joke of the Day
WHY WOMEN SHOULD NEVER, EVER, QUESTION A DRUNK…
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
‘You must be single.’
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict’s intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.
I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital
status..
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , ‘Yes you are correct . But how
on earth did you know that?’
The drunk replied,
‘Cause you’re ugly’.
The Best of the Worst Epic Fails
Some of these people are stupid as hell. Really? Who does this ish?
Slip of the Tongue
This is a clip that I caught 3 days ago of a news reporter’s slip of the tongue. I guess all of the hurricane excitement was too much. It was pretty amusing….
The Ugly Dance
Ha! This site is entertaining (theuglydance.com). Upload a photo of yourself and move.
Tips for Driving While Black (DWB)
I definitely follow some of these. Definitely need the white friend.
Charlie Sheen Spoof
Haaaa!! Winning! Dude needs help….
Undeniable Adult Truths
Undeniable Adult Truths
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5; I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again..
12. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
13. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with a drink, than Kay.
16. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say “What”? before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front; Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
21. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey; but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974; That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important … Ladies quit laughing.
