Job Status – Bad

So in case you haven’t seen the Countdown Timer in the right-hand side of the screen, I’m facing possible unemployment very soon. Our current contract is up on Feb 28th so we were expecting news of who won by now. Now we got word that they are going to release the name of the company on March 15th. In the meantime, they have extended our bridge contract. WTF?! I see nothing but red flags now.

1. If they wanted to keep us, why extend the contract? Why not just award it to us instead of waiting? Why, because I think this will be an upset. We’re all thinking that they are going with another company.

2. At our staff meeting yesterday, the customer expressed trying to revamp some software of theirs to mimic what our tool does. They have been using our software for the past 3 years and have had no problems. Now all of a sudden, they want to stop using ours and edit their existing software to do what ours has been successfully doing. To me that sounds like they are trying to cut my company out completely.

Maybe I’m being paranoid but I don’t think so. The writing is on the wall. Even our boss told us to put our resumes out so that is what I’ve been doing. Scary…. Stay tuned. I’m sure something interesting will come up. Wish me luck and/or pray for me. A sister can’t be jobless right now. I got bills….

Fish & Taxes

So on Monday I decided to replace my Betta that died with a new one. I really like Jasper. I think he’s really pretty and I think he’s content with his new home. The next morning he was happily making his bubble nest.   But of course with the good comes the bad (you knew it was coming). Everyone fears the IRS. There is nothing worse than owing them money or getting audited. I of course got the dreaded audit. It sucks when you are waiting for your return and nothing shows up. Finally you get word that your tax return was flagged and you are being audited. What the hell?! People have plans for their money. Oh well. It’s now a sit and wait to see what they do and/or request.

Crappy Friends – On to the Next One

So I have finally come to the conclusion that I’m a dirt bag magnet. Friends, acquaintances, etc.  In life, everyone attracts a certain type of person to them and I attract undesirables like a moth to a flame. I never trust anyone because those that I have trusted ended up doing me wrong in the long run. I’m leery of all because in the back of my mind, I know if the right situation comes along, they will screw me over.

I bring this up because I have recently cut off a good friend of mine for very good reasons. I got tired of constant selfishness and temper tantrums (mantrums). He gets upset and pouts if you don’t text him back in what he thinks is a reasonable amount of time. People are busy and work, not stuck at home like him. Get over it! Dude is in his early forties but has the mentality of many 20 somethings when they don’t get their way. I grew tired of the constant complaining and whining about how life is so bad but they choose to do nothing about it but sit on their ass and eat themselves into an early grave. If I had to hear one more time about how his manhood was small I was going to scream. Who the eff cares? At the very least, this past friendship showed me what I don’t want to be and he has given me the motivation to get things in order. I refuse to be in my 40’s, single, working a dead-end job making little pay, and degree-less. I want better for myself so I will venture forth. No time for the weary. Not to mention, his morals were shot. I always had an issue with him doing shoots and basically cumming on females feet without their consent and knowledge. Yes, you read that right.  Who does that mess?! That’s disgusting and things come back on people. That’s assault in my book.

I have nicknamed the guy “Why Me”  because he’s constantly complaining about how the world is against him and he can’t catch a break. I had to constantly explain to him that life is what you make it and it can get better. He can’t look past the hard times and chooses to instead whine to anyone within earshot about his problems. At one point, I felt like more of a counselor than a friend. Others who deal with him have the same sentiments.

All of my previous friends ended up being shady, lied to me, tried to steal my husband, slandered me, spread rumors, stole from me, etc. “Why Me” seemed like a nice guy ( and I believe he still is inside) but he has serious character flaws which I choose to no longer deal with. The last straw came last week when he got pissed off because I no longer want to pose for his iffy fetish site. My husband no longer wants me to do foot fetish pics anymore, and honestly neither do I. It was interesting at first but I no longer want to delve into that world anymore. I originally told “Why Me” I would shoot again but things changed. This bastard had the audacity to say that I don’t keep my word and compared me to a model he had who stole his camera. This asshole compared me to a thief. How childish is that? I wasn’t taking any money out of his pocket and he didn’t pay me ahead of time. If one model makes or breaks your site you need to close up shop immediately. Obviously money was more important to him than friendship. When your spouse has an issue with something, you should listen. “Why Me” needs to recognize his importance in people’s life. Spouse comes waaaayy before him in the chain of life. It will trump his wishes every time. He knows this because I asked him when he and his girlfriend get married would he quit his site if she had an issue with it. He said yeah. Dude is a hypocrite to the 10th degree.

He’s also lied to my face. He acted like he didn’t know who did the black & white photos for my sister (salacious in nature) and he’s the one who did it. It was creepy that he was looking at my sister in that way. I guarantee if his son were sending me nude pics and I kept them and commented, he would have a huuuge issue with that. He also refuses to help my sister get a grant. He has a contact where he lives and said he’s trying to get hooked up and would help me too. I don’t need it because I have the GI Bill. Now he tells my sister he can’t help her because she doesn’t live in Baltimore. Uh, neither do I and he definitely doesn’t either. I showed my sister the text trail as proof. He just doesn’t want to help anyone but himself.

All in all,  I hope he and his ex really do get remarried. Perhaps when he’s married he will stop being so emotional about little crap that doesn’t matter. The funny part is, I was his real friend. Too bad he was too blind to see that.  Will we ever be friends again? I don’t know. I feel for him; the bulk of his interactions with people (friends) are models of his who only want money from him and they only contact him when they need something. Sad…..  I wish him well. I recently got things in the works so things are looking up.

Diet Food & Denial

So last week I bought a pack of Snackwell’s Devil’s Food Cookie Cakes because I wanted something sweet yet healthy. Even though I am a size 6, I want to watch what I eat. I looked at the box and saw that they were 50 calories apiece and there were 12 in the box. Well, if I ate three a day I would be ok.  Six cakes in I’m still telling myself that’s all for the day but one more won’t hurt because they’re diet food!  I didn’t eat a big lunch that day so I would be making up for lost calories.

Four hours later after the entire box is gone and 600 calories consumed, I feel guilty.  I knew had they been fat filled I would have paced myself but because they were “diet” it made it ok to gorge myself. I gave myself justification to go crazy and stuff my face. Don’t judge me…. I know I’m not alone in this.

Snow and Hysteria

This snow thing is getting out of hand! We keep getting hit with more and more and now we are under a blizzard warning and supposed to get 20 -30 inches of snow. Are they serious? Not to mention, the people at the grocery store have lost their everlasting minds. I went there yesterday and the bread aisle was completely bare. All of the chicken breast was gone as well as eggs and milk. The funny part was that people had cleaned out the shampoo shelf. Yes I said shampoo. What the hell is shampoo going to do for you when you’re starving? You can’t eat it but I guess your hair will be clean. WTF?! People act like it’s Armageddon and the world is ending when snow is in the forecast. It’s only for a weekend people….. This is ridiculous.

And speaking of ridiculous, why is there always a shortage of snow shovels every time it snows? It’s not like their disposable and one time use. If you have one one year then it’s good the next but they are always in short supply each year. What is up with that?

Corduroy is Evil

So today I realized that me and corduroy are a big no-no. I’m walking down the hall to go to my office and I hear a sound that resembles a yipping puppy. After stopping in my tracks and looking around, I hear that the sound is gone. As I continued walking, to my dismay I realized the yipping sound was me.  Apparently my thighs rubbing together against the fabric caused the high pitched yelping.

So now my fat ass is purposely making sure to gap my legs open a little as I walk and taking shorter, slower strides to avoid the dreaded sound. Now I look like I have a stick up my ass or I’m constipated but at least the sound is gone.  Needless to say, I spent the bulk of my day in the office and not roaming the quiet hallways… Sux.

More Life Updates

So just a few life updates:

- My betta, that I’ve had for over a year, died on Friday. The messed up thing about it is I think I killed him. I saw his fin looking a little messed up so I decided to put some Betta Fix in his tank. The minute I did that he started swimming around his bowl quickly with his head above water like a motorboat. He was swimming fine before that but after the treatment he began to stay on the gravel, leaning to the side like he couldn’t keep his tail end down. He of course stopped eating and died two weeks later. RIP Larry.

- Then I had a weird incident where I was at an appointment and my husband was home. He called me on my cell because a guy showed up at the door asking for me and when my husband asked for his name he replied, “Just a friend.” Wow….  I don’t hang out with dudes like that, nor  let anyone know where I live at so this isn’t good. I’ve been stalked before but that’s a whole different story. The only thing I can conclude is it’s a process server or someone like that. Life just gets better and better.

2010 Sucks Already

So it is already 19 days into the new year and I’ve already slipped when it came to my New Year’s resolutions. Forget that, I never even made a list. I vowed to exercise more yet I sit at work snacking on truffles. *shaking head* I moved offices and am now on base so there is a vending machine. Oh the glorious vending machine! If I’m not getting chips then I’m getting vanilla filled cookies. It’s sad really. On top of that, my job situation hasn’t gotten any better. We should hopefully hear whether we got the contract or not by the end of the month. If we don’t win, I have a job until the end of February and then I’m screwed.

On top of that, I get a letter in the mail from a place that I hadn’t heard from in over six months and they want a settlement for an ungodly amount. We already talked about what the deal was and now they want to claim amnesia. What a hell of a way to start 2010!

Trifling Coworkers

So my job has a contract until the end of February and then we might be out in the wind. The company put their bid in for the re-compete and I hope we win. We have to be on point at work because we want to give the government customer the best view of the company; however, my asshole coworker is messing it up. We are supposed to be at work at 8:30 and dude rolls in between 9:15-9:45 acting like nothing is wrong. To top it off, he has the audacity to try to leave early with everyone else. When I stay later then he decides to sit back down. It also doesn’t help that he’s Black. We already get a bad rap that we can never be on time and he is perpetuating that stereotype and it burns me up!  Between him and my other pretentious coworker “Cali” I’m at the end of my rope…..

Meds Update – Lexapro

So they changed my meds to Lexapro and I’ve been on it for over a month now. 5mg isn’t too bad but I’m definitely not as angry as I was. I still get agitated but not nearly as bad as I used to. The main thing I noticed is vivid dreams. I swear, I dream about the most random things and it’s like I’m really there. Normally when I dream I can wake myself up. Now I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or not. It’s honestly like being in a movie when I go to sleep. I’m also sleepy all the time, but other than that I think I’m sticking with this one. The anxiety was terrible at first but it went away after a week. All in all, I’m satisfied with my decision to seek medication for my depression. Many deal with it and don’t realize there are ways to help you cope while getting counseling. Drugs are not the final answer but they can help you in your journey to deal with your issues.