Diet Food & Denial

So last week I bought a pack of Snackwell’s Devil’s Food Cookie Cakes because I wanted something sweet yet healthy. Even though I am a size 6, I want to watch what I eat. I looked at the box and saw that they were 50 calories apiece and there were 12 in the box. Well, if I ate three a day I would be ok.  Six cakes in I’m still telling myself that’s all for the day but one more won’t hurt because they’re diet food!  I didn’t eat a big lunch that day so I would be making up for lost calories.

Four hours later after the entire box is gone and 600 calories consumed, I feel guilty.  I knew had they been fat filled I would have paced myself but because they were “diet” it made it ok to gorge myself. I gave myself justification to go crazy and stuff my face. Don’t judge me…. I know I’m not alone in this.

Snow and Hysteria

This snow thing is getting out of hand! We keep getting hit with more and more and now we are under a blizzard warning and supposed to get 20 -30 inches of snow. Are they serious? Not to mention, the people at the grocery store have lost their everlasting minds. I went there yesterday and the bread aisle was completely bare. All of the chicken breast was gone as well as eggs and milk. The funny part was that people had cleaned out the shampoo shelf. Yes I said shampoo. What the hell is shampoo going to do for you when you’re starving? You can’t eat it but I guess your hair will be clean. WTF?! People act like it’s Armageddon and the world is ending when snow is in the forecast. It’s only for a weekend people….. This is ridiculous.

And speaking of ridiculous, why is there always a shortage of snow shovels every time it snows? It’s not like their disposable and one time use. If you have one one year then it’s good the next but they are always in short supply each year. What is up with that?

Corduroy is Evil

So today I realized that me and corduroy are a big no-no. I’m walking down the hall to go to my office and I hear a sound that resembles a yipping puppy. After stopping in my tracks and looking around, I hear that the sound is gone. As I continued walking, to my dismay I realized the yipping sound was me.  Apparently my thighs rubbing together against the fabric caused the high pitched yelping.

So now my fat ass is purposely making sure to gap my legs open a little as I walk and taking shorter, slower strides to avoid the dreaded sound. Now I look like I have a stick up my ass or I’m constipated but at least the sound is gone.  Needless to say, I spent the bulk of my day in the office and not roaming the quiet hallways… Sux.

More Life Updates

So just a few life updates:

- My betta, that I’ve had for over a year, died on Friday. The messed up thing about it is I think I killed him. I saw his fin looking a little messed up so I decided to put some Betta Fix in his tank. The minute I did that he started swimming around his bowl quickly with his head above water like a motorboat. He was swimming fine before that but after the treatment he began to stay on the gravel, leaning to the side like he couldn’t keep his tail end down. He of course stopped eating and died two weeks later. RIP Larry.

- Then I had a weird incident where I was at an appointment and my husband was home. He called me on my cell because a guy showed up at the door asking for me and when my husband asked for his name he replied, “Just a friend.” Wow….  I don’t hang out with dudes like that, nor  let anyone know where I live at so this isn’t good. I’ve been stalked before but that’s a whole different story. The only thing I can conclude is it’s a process server or someone like that. Life just gets better and better.

2010 Sucks Already

So it is already 19 days into the new year and I’ve already slipped when it came to my New Year’s resolutions. Forget that, I never even made a list. I vowed to exercise more yet I sit at work snacking on truffles. *shaking head* I moved offices and am now on base so there is a vending machine. Oh the glorious vending machine! If I’m not getting chips then I’m getting vanilla filled cookies. It’s sad really. On top of that, my job situation hasn’t gotten any better. We should hopefully hear whether we got the contract or not by the end of the month. If we don’t win, I have a job until the end of February and then I’m screwed.

On top of that, I get a letter in the mail from a place that I hadn’t heard from in over six months and they want a settlement for an ungodly amount. We already talked about what the deal was and now they want to claim amnesia. What a hell of a way to start 2010!

Trifling Coworkers

So my job has a contract until the end of February and then we might be out in the wind. The company put their bid in for the re-compete and I hope we win. We have to be on point at work because we want to give the government customer the best view of the company; however, my asshole coworker is messing it up. We are supposed to be at work at 8:30 and dude rolls in between 9:15-9:45 acting like nothing is wrong. To top it off, he has the audacity to try to leave early with everyone else. When I stay later then he decides to sit back down. It also doesn’t help that he’s Black. We already get a bad rap that we can never be on time and he is perpetuating that stereotype and it burns me up!  Between him and my other pretentious coworker “Cali” I’m at the end of my rope…..

Meds Update – Lexapro

So they changed my meds to Lexapro and I’ve been on it for over a month now. 5mg isn’t too bad but I’m definitely not as angry as I was. I still get agitated but not nearly as bad as I used to. The main thing I noticed is vivid dreams. I swear, I dream about the most random things and it’s like I’m really there. Normally when I dream I can wake myself up. Now I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or not. It’s honestly like being in a movie when I go to sleep. I’m also sleepy all the time, but other than that I think I’m sticking with this one. The anxiety was terrible at first but it went away after a week. All in all, I’m satisfied with my decision to seek medication for my depression. Many deal with it and don’t realize there are ways to help you cope while getting counseling. Drugs are not the final answer but they can help you in your journey to deal with your issues.

Life Updates & More Problems

My trip home was pretty uneventful, which is a good thing. I enjoyed seeing my family after having not visited them in four years (sad but true). After that I got sick because everyone at my job was hacking and sneezing so that’s why I wasn’t posting for like a week. Now yesterday I got an email from an organization stating to call them because I had left a voicemail saying I was having trouble registering for classes… Umm, no. I never called anyone about that. So I call them up and they said they matched up the email address with the name the person left but it wasn’t me. They asked for my phone number and I asked what number they left and the person left an Illinois number.  Clearly someone is trying to use my information because I don’t live there. I’m currently looking into the situation. I tell everyone: I may have a period of calm in my life but inevitably something goes wrong. Yesterday is a prime example. It’s always the calm before the storm….

Apprehensive about Flying Home

So I’m flying home on Monday to visit the family for Thanksgiving and I’m a little apprehensive. Why you ask? Well, my sister is convinced there is something paranormal going on in the house. Besides seeing things, she’s hearing them as well and so is my Dad. She’ll be asleep in her room and my Dad will wake up because he hears noises coming from downstairs and the same noises coming from her room…..and she’s sleep! He also keeps seeing things out of the corner of his eye. I swear, if I wake up and see something I will lose it.  I wanted to set up a recorder to see if I caught any voices (EVP) but if I did it would freak me out. I have a feeling this trip will be very interesting….

Meds and Side Effects

So I’ve been taking my new antidepressant for over two weeks now and was scared to up my dose. I was told to take half a pill, 25 mg, and then in a week up it to at full pill which is 50 mg. I was doing fine on half of one and I was able to get through my day without feeling down. Now when I first took it, my feelings were very flat.  A bus could have hit someone in front of me and I could have won the lottery and I would have acted the same – indifferent. That was a scary feeling. Not to mention, the first day after I took it, I almost soiled myself at work. Effed up. I have a fear of using the bathroom at work and it was like a scene out of American Pie when they pranked the guy and he had to force himself to use the bathroom at work and basically annihilate the bathroom. It wasn’t pretty and I will no longer laugh at those that have close calls.

Once I got past the couple days of nausea and no appetite, I felt good. I wasn’t sleeping as much and I was able to focus at work. Of course things never stay good for me…. On Friday, I decide to finally up my dose and boy was that a mistake! A couple of hours after,  I felt flush and hyper like I had way too much caffeine. Then the twitching came. My left shoulder, thigh, and foot kept twitching uncontrollably. Both of my sides did it too. It was crazy so I stopped the meds and haven’t taken them since Friday. The twitching was still bad on Saturday so I tried to sleep the day away hoping the the twitches would slow down but they didn’t. On Sunday they were a little better and today they are pretty much gone but my sides still twitch.

I’m now rethinking the whole meds thing. Is it really worth it? Do I really need to take something that causes symptoms like this? I go see the doc tomorrow so I’m sure he’s going to try to prescribe me something else. *sigh* Will I take it? I don’t know yet….